I’ve been experiencing a lot of rage recently, rage towards people who hurt me in the past and most importantly rage towards myself. I’ve never considered myself to be an angry person. After all, I’m the nice girl and nice girls don’t get angry, right?
Well, I’m discovering that my niceness was my way to suppress the anger that was there all along. It never felt safe to express my anger so I repressed it and became depressed or anxious.
Last summer I made a commitment to change my money story. It has been a transformative experience as I addressed some deeply painful childhood experiences. It’s been challenging but I’m glad that I’ve been shifting energy in core areas of my life.
I realized that I’ve made many mistakes in managing my money, but I’ve never forgiven myself for these errors. I grew up with the worldview that God will punish me if I make a mistake, so I have to be vigilant to make sure I don’t screw up.
Since I lived with a scarcity mindset for most of my life, making a mistake was more significant. I believed that there was a finite amount of money and losing money was the end of the world because I didn’t believe that I could make more. I truly felt screwed when I lost money due to my poor money management. I became hypervigilant.
The irony that we learn from Law of Attraction is that the more vigilant I am focusing on my mistakes, the more mistakes I will make. And I kept on making more mistakes with my money. I couldn’t figure it out.
So I tapped (practiced Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) on my desire to forgive myself for my money errors. Instead of seeing God as the judge who will punish me for my mistakes I chose to see the Divine as pure love, the One who accepts me and guides me on my path of love.
After I tapped, I wrote a letter to myself, listing my errors with money and I forgave myself for these mistakes. I tore the letter into pieces and flushed the pieces down the toilet. As I did that it felt like my tendency to beat myself up over my mistakes was flushed down the toilet at the same time.
I felt free and light, ready to take action to move forward on my dreams. I now see that my errors with money are simply opportunities to grow in consciousness.
Guess what, forgiveness spreads! Forgiving myself for my money mistakes has spread to other areas of my life. After I wrote myself the forgiveness letter I had an interaction with someone that afternoon. I made a mistake in how I handled the situation and was called on it publicly. In the past, I would have felt so ashamed and apologized profusely. This time I apologized to the person I offended and let it go. I was totally relaxed in my interactions with others that day.
Do you want to transform your life? Enjoy this rendition of “I Forgive Me” by Tim McAfee-Lewis from the Agape International Spiritual Centre. Reflect on how you can move forward and achieve your goals with ease as you forgive yourself.
“The Joyful Freedom Diva”